TTC (Trying To Conceive)

My journey to pregnancy with loss, love and lots of pregnancy tests.

After over a year of trying and two miscarriages, the journey to becoming pregnant continues for me and for many other beautiful woman around the world.
It’s the most exciting, heartbreaking and love filled journey.

Below are some of most common acronyms in the fertility community. When I first started out I had absolutely no idea what most of these meant and found myself researching them all the time.

TTC – Trying To Conceive
BFP – Big Fat Positive
BFN – Big Fat No
TWW – Two Week Wait
AF – Aunt Flo (your period)
BBT – Basal Body Temperature
BD – Baby Dance (sex)
CM – Cervical Mucus
MC – Miscarriage
OV – Ovulation
BBT – Basal Body Temperature
Baby Dust – A way to wish people luck getting pregnant
HCG – Human Chorionic Gonadotrophin (the hormone that pregnancy tests measure)

In April 2020 we decided to start trying for a baby.

Its a beautiful time when you come to a point of being so content, in love and happy in your relationship that you feel ready to share that love with a child. When you decide you want to open your hearts even more and invite your first baby into existence.
‘Becoming pregnant will be easy’. ‘You must be careful when having sex, otherwise you will get pregnant’. This is what I genuinely thought. That is what we are taught so its natural to think these things. So after 8 months of trying, 8 months of apps, tracking ovulation, researching best ways to get pregnant, vitamins, folic acid, false hope, pregnancy tests and anything else you can imagine google suggested I thought screw it.

‘Stop obsessing over it’
‘just relax and it will happen’
‘just live your normal life’
‘don’t think about it too much’
‘you know you’re never going to get pregnant if you’re this obsessed with becoming pregnant’

(Some of these phrases can be quite upsetting, insensitive and painful for someone who is TTC to hear. Most people are very aware that ‘relaxing’ will help but are also very aware that that’s almost impossible. It may take several months for someone to feel ready to ‘not think about it’. Everyone is different and that’s okay. It makes us human).

These are a few of the pieces of ‘advice’ I was given. I understand people just want to help and I also know that it is true that when you forget about it and just relax it is usually when it happens but once you decide to bring a baby into this world it really is all you’ll think about. For a while anyway. Or it was like that for me at least. You begin to tell yourself you’re not thinking about it but really you are. You’re trying so hard not to think about it that it makes you think about it.

After 8 months, for the first time since we had decided to start trying I was actually ready to focus on other things. I stopped looking at the app, (FLO – is really good for tracking period and ovulation), stopped trying to figure out when I was ovulating and I said to my partner lets plan to travel. Lets plan to see the world, lets live our life to the fullest. Lets be wild and do things that one day when we do have a baby we cant so easily do and I genuinely let go of the need to be pregnant.
A few weeks later I realized my period was late, only by 3 days but my periods are so regular that I guessed I was pregnant. I didn’t want to test. I was scared of another negative but on the 30th December 2020 we got our first BFP (Big Fat Positive).

We only knew about how little babe for 5 weeks. In February 2021 at almost 10 weeks pregnant we miscarried – Click here to go to my Miscarriage post if you want to read more about that.

Things I found helpful whilst TTC:

– Having at least one person who isn’t your partner to be able to talk to about it.
– Educating yourself on the TTC journey – its not taught in school (which is awful) so its useful to do some research.
– Having a project / hobby to focus on so that you have something else to think about and do.
– Realize how much things will change when your babe finally comes and see if there’s anything you want to do before it.
– Take prenatal vitamins as soon as you decide you want to try to conceive or even before.
– Eat healthy foods and move your body.
– Try to enjoy the journey. It can be so intense, sad and draining but it’s meant to be an exciting chapter of your life, so try your best to make it a positive thing.
– COMMUNICATION! Talk to your partner, be honest and open about your feelings.

Sending so much baby dust to all you beautiful humans who are trying to bring your babes into this world. I see you, I feel you.

If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to leave a comment or send me an e-mail.
Merlina <3

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